January 24, 2007
Wednesday

I think I might have redeemed myself - atleast a little bit. Though I am still mortified at thinking I might have unwittingly led someone on. I wonder if it has to do with how I talk - the interest I take in the other person- that almost always gives the wrong impression about my intentions? I genuinely like people - I enjoy spending time with them, getting to know their stories, their personalities. Lately though I think I have been so frantic to engage my attentions anywhere but on certain other events that my enthusiasm is easily misunderstood. I have had one friend tell me its the way I look at someone fondly, another tells me its the way I smile. I hate to think my body language is unconsciously inviting people to think I am more interested in them than I really am. But the source of this problem is obviously me since this has re-ocurred often enough. Everything one does though is so open to interpretation and I am so impulsive that I don't stop think if my actions have an implication I am not prepared to deal with. Who would think always being ready to talk and listen to someone sends out a message of more than concerned friendship? I mean every moment of my work day I am chatting with Kavi - she doesn't assume that I am sending her secret signals of whatever. Excuses apart, I guess I am responsible for the impressions I make and now have to learn how to discern what subconscious messages I am sending and curb my impulses, be more controlled and less spontaneous. What a fun prospect!